I've been relieved not to have the pressure of the everyday blog (EDB!) over my head this last month. It's been an intense month full of two (2!) unexpected trips to New Mexico for family health problems, some really hard conversations, and, you know, prepping and packing for this massive trip I'm taking in two days.
But.
I've also felt keenly how much more I'd have written about all kinds of topics, if only I had made the time.
I have been wrestling with this post for a while now. I want to know what is next, I want to know what it is I did, and I don't know those things. I want a clear and tidy answer, but instead I have lots of meandering paths.
Let's go back to why this whole thing started.
Today is day 100. I know that seems weird, because yesterday was day 98. But this is the end date of the project for everybody else, so I miscounted somewhere.
Not ten minutes ago I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself for having no idea of what to write and WISHING IT WERE OVER ALREADY. I have a lot of thoughts about the whole projects but I will share those tomorrow as an addendum.
I hate sales.
I know I am not alone in this.
Watching spiders scurrying into dark corners
Laughing at how Caesar sleeps when it is hot, legs spread out so the heat will dissipate
Going to the car wash and buying a Royal Pine air freshener like my grandmother used to keep
Wishing the future were not so murky
Pouring coconut flakes into a funnel
Stirring coconut flakes to get them to fall
Reading DIY facemask recipes that I never use
Asking everyone what they really want in life
Wanting to make even more lists
Washing my feet before bed
Zip-tying cords together
Today Paul & I did our annual cleaning-all-the-things day. We have a whole stupid, boring, highly mature, perhaps slightly neurotic cleaning routine that we developed as we drove our things out to Los Angeles.
It was incredibly hot today, the sky looked like we were in hell, and yet! We got rid of things, organized other things, displaced a small nation of spiders, and generally felt good about ourselves by the time it was over.
Finished another book! That means it's...BOOK REVIEW TIME. Or at least BOOK-RELATED THOUGHTS TIME.
The book: Drive, by Daniel Pink.
This is a book I've been told to read 100,000 times, courtesy of the Infinite Bullshit Machine that is the internet. Recently it appeared on my Kindle courtesy of the reservations system in the Los Angeles Public Library System.
I keep flipping between thinking it's really interesting and powerful, and thinking it's as obvious as it gets.
Stop calling yourself lazy.
You are not lazy.
You don't prioritize That Thing you're beating yourself up over. I don't care why. You work your ass off at stuff, just not at That Thing you feel guilty about not doing.
And that's fine. You are not lazy
Stop calling yourself lazy. Stop thinking of yourself as lazy. Unless you've reclaimed lazy, and are a power-leisure type, you probably think lazy = worthless, lesser, flawed.
It's okay to rest! It's okay to not do all the things!
Uffda. Remember when I said I would never skip two in a row? I never said I wouldn't skip 5 in a row, so here we are.
Today's selection is a little something I wrote for Mad King Thomas' upcoming performance by telephone, without explanation or further comment.
Waiting, watching the other two.
Nervous and laughing.
Like a second grader.
