Lately I've been full of false starts. I wanted to apply for a mentorship program, then I changed my mind. I wanted to start a Kickstarter. Changed my mind.
I am not fundamentally opposed to a good waffle, but it feels like something else is going on here. Are these new ideas distractions? Ways of procrastinating? Signs that something in my current process isn't working? Or, I suppose, all three? Resistance works in mysterious ways.
My word of the year for 2020 is cultivate: Working on the premise that I have chosen fertile ground, I want to spend my time improving and supporting what I have, rather than looking further afield. I want to focus on all the good stuff and not on the feeling of lack.
I'm feeling more and more the pinch of time on my writing practice. I feel the lack of time for review AND for creation. I've upped my writing time by 25% but it isn't enough. I need to review writing I've done, prepare materials for my Patreon, find markets for writing, apply to zinefests, update my website....and, you know, the actual writing.
Still, in my ongoing quest to obsess over the silver lining, it feels good to be motivated. To want more. So I'll keep on keepin' on.
p..s Is it cheating if I have two words? The other word is delve. As in the archaic sense of digging/mining. I don't love mining as a metaphor, but there's something about extracting value from what seems worthless. So I delve. I cultivate. I make do.